Listlessly.

Awhile ago, I just had my a webcam chat thing with my boyfriend. D;
That sound so weird and bizarre.
Boyfriend.
I never had one before so I'm totally clueless to what I'd have to do.
But here I am. With someone.
Someone who now *OWNS* me. D:
Well, that's is how I feel. Owned.

Sometimes I doubt our relationship.
Being the pessimistic person I am,
I think our relationship won't work.
But I try and I hope he is too. .__.
Maybe he doesn't think about it as much.
But I constantly think about how it'll end and such.
And I guess that's bad.
But I'm scared. ;__;
'cause I know when we break-up and stuff,
we won't talk to each other as much.
I know I'm not even suppose to think about this.
That I should just have fun with it.
But, I can't. ;__; *too much doubts*

I feel like it'll end in a flash.
And all I'd be doing is trying not to care.
But deep down, I will. I know I will.
And that's why *I* want to end it.
That way, I'm not going to be hurt.
That's probably a selfish way of thinking.
Since I should totally think about how he feels.
But he might not care as much. .__.
He can get any girl. ;;
Why me? Why me? Why?

Even though, this is all online shit.
It's also all so real to me.
I feel negative when someone pisses me off.
Even when it's online.
And I'm pretty honest about it.
I mean I'd have to know them, of course, to be really mad.
But if it was some I don't know, then I don't mind. xp

I expect too much out of everything.

But! Everytime I talk to him, I feel much better.
All the negativity has left me.
And I can be me. XD
But not a lot, 'cause the *REAL* me is real ugly.
I can't rant about how this and that pisses me off.
Because it's just people.
And I guess I slipped. o__o;
And told him how I didn't like attention. ;;
And he told me that I shouldn't think about it, that people just idolize me.
Well, in any case, I still have much love for him.
I adore him for what he does.
He has the most adorable expressions. o__o;;

And I saw him smile/laugh with me.
It's so cute!! XDD
I love him to bits and pieces.
But I'm so sad I can't do much with him.
Since I'm a lamer. ;__;

So more spotlight for him than me in this situation. o__o;;
But oh well. I hope he can just let it go.
Since I never talked to him on the mic.
I'm hoping I will soon.
I'm just too shy. XDD;

Well. Wish me courage~!
I'm going to update later about what I did on Gaia later. XDD
So, yeah. Later. <33!